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Sunday, February 6, 2011

My Lunar Year

To old readers you probably remembered that I came from a Chinese - Ceylonese & Malay parentage. So I have bits of everything inside me like a friend Linda commented on my FB....truly 1Malaysia.....


This year I took time to celebrate and embrace the spirit of the Chinese Lunar Year at home. When CNY comes , I'll think more of my late grandma. I miss her a great deal , very much wish that she's still around.


Just a simple decor with the angpau packs........rasa nak beli 2 big red lanterns & pasang depan rumah but lets just say for me to have these decor in the house makes my other half uneasy........MP never talks or show interest whenever I talk about my Chinese roots. Muka beku. Autism.


Hmmmmm.....all set.


Kueh Bakul or Nian Gao in Mandarin,,,,,or as my grandma use to call it in Hokkien , Ti Koey. A must during CNY. It symbolizes a successful career & prosperity for years to come. Every year I will get the original Ti Koey in lotus leaf but as I wanted for a big change in life , I opted for the modern looking Ti Koey. Another favourite is Kueh Bangkit. Tahun ni I found a yummy Kueh Batang Buruk inti Kacang to replace biskut kacang. I love Kueh Kapit but I can't find the original home-make ones like my grandma used to make. Yang ada those factory made ones , tak sedap. I opted for Egg Rolls instead. Kalau Kueh Kapit yang asli , rasa & rapuh dia more or less like the Egg Rolls , must handle with care. Senang pecah. Kalau yang factory made ni......keras.


Lokam or Limau Mandarin , a must too. There's a story about eating lokam on the 2nd day of CNY but I lupa laa.....Lokam , symbolizes wealth , good fortune , prosperity....in short money , money , money....hehehe! Peanuts are a must too as it symbolizes good health & long life.

These are all traditions , customs & beliefs being passed down through generations.......everything comes from Him *wink*


I hope that Yna will continue the tradition and not forget that she has a bit of Chinese in her.


Gung Hay Fat Choy....Sun Nien Fai Lok!



This was on the 3rd day of CNY,,,,,,MP took us out for a dinner at Concorde KL. His way to say sorry I guess coz the day before , we had a quarrel :-( , A quarrel about me not being at home & being out with friends & busy with work.......Nak cerita ke? Hehehe! Kalau cerita , orang cakap I kutuk laki. How? My purpose is to share and I know many women out there has similar problems. Just sharing my story about men and to lift off some load off my shoulders. Please.......let me breath. I tak nak jadi gila. Thank your lucky star for having a wonderful partner. I'm grateful for what I have & what I've been given but I'm hoping for a change. I want that change. Salah ke? To you maybe I salah for asking too much than what I already have. But....I didn't ask them from you,,,,,I asked from my Creator. So shuuuushhh......

Punca quarrel sebab I balik lambat. Lambat 2 jam. MP told Yna to tell me to be back by certain time but I was 2 hours late. The day before , I went to a friend's house and the idea of me meeting with my friends sangat membengkak-kan otak dia it seems. Apa masalah dia pun I tak tahu. Seriously , I don't know apa yang dia anti sangat bila dengar I nak keluar rumah......dia nak I duduk rumah je ke? Dia nak I tak berkawan dengan sesiapa ke? If so , kenapa laa macam tu partner oii?

In short , *I rasa coz MP buat I rasa macam ni* , MP doesn't like me hanging out with friends *regardless who*. Every time when I told MP that am going out to see my friends or ada event dengan my friends *girlfriends OK* , he'll show disaprovements , ada je yang tak berkenan di hati. Ada je rungutan. Tiap kali peeps , tiap kali & I don't understand why? I keluar bawak anak-anak,,,,,,bukan keluar sorang-sorang. Kalau pun I keluar sorang,,,,,,I bukan-nye pergi tempat tak tentu........what's the problem. My friends bukan-nya pelacur or call girl or perempuan simpanan or artis-artis pun. Most are my friends from school with good careers & great women.

I know , I'm not the only woman yang keluar rumah to be with friends once in a while.......plus , I don't do it everyday! Suffocated laa peeps. In a way , dia ajar I menipu. Yes,,,,,sometimes , hmmmm.....most of the time.....I have to create another story to tell him for the sake of peace. I tahu , tak baik I buat macam tu.....but.....it's better for me *at the spur of the moment* to come up with some white lies rather than tell him the truth. I kasi tahu hal betul-betul , mesti kena marah walaupun pada hal-hal yang dia tak sepatutnya marah. Save it dude.

Bila kat luar dengan my friends , I'm very happy. Tiba masa nak balik,,,,,,ketakutan,,,,,sebab tahu , balik nanti mesti MP marah. Bawak kereta macam halilintar! Kalau I accident dek kerana bawak laju sebab takut-kan partner bising kat rumah nanti , agak-nye dia puas hati kot. Dalam hati rasa tak adil betul ada partner yang selalu sangat buat I rasa takut & serba tak kena macam ni. Macam bodoh sangat rasa. Kenapa dia ada rage & anger pun I tak tahu. Food semua ada kat rumah. He has the house to himself for several hours. Many men would be happy with it but not MP. How come?

I'm never angry or have queries when MP is out of the house. I don't go installing Friend Finder on his phone to know where he is & etc. I trusted MP and I gave him freedom & space. I understand that sometimes he would want to be with his friends for leisure or work. If he says that he going somewhere , OK.....I'll take it as it is. Along the way dia divert ke tempat lain , well,,,,,,he must have his own reasons to do so. He's a man , depa lagi pandai tipu. Kalau dia kata ada kerja.....fine , ada kerja. Kalau dia kata he'll be out golfing.....fine , golf it is. Why can't he do the same as long as I know my boundaries?

For years I've followed what MP wanted. Stay at home. Duduk kat rumah diam-diam. Tak nyanyi. Tak berlakon. Tak keluar bersosial dengan kawan-kawan I but his family & his friends only. Jaga anak. Jaga rumah. Cukup laa kot. Now I want my life. I tak mintak nak aktif menyanyi or berlakon balik , I want to at least be me again. Kalau sampai tak boleh jumpa kengkawan , melampau laa tu.

The reason I terlambat 2 jam was because , lepas berjumpa kengkawan.....I singgah rumah my parents. Sebetulnya I dah kasi tahu MP of my hasrat nak bawak my parents pergi makan esoknya (hari yang pergi makan kat Concorde) tapi MP macam reluctant nak keluar. *Reason dia reluctant nak keluar.....biarlah rahsia* Adalah yang my dad mintak tolong I buat tapi malas nak highlight kat MP sebab he'll give me all the lectures in the world. Tak kuasa nak dengar. I just nak tolong Papa.....benda yang Papa suruh tu pun , I boleh buat & tak menyalahi undang-undang pun. Lagipun kalau MP agree to go out with my parents esoknya , tak payah laa I singgah rumah my parents. Boleh buatkan kerja yang my dad mintak tu esok je terus. But since MP tak nak keluar.......I had to singgah & help my dad kalau tak , kena tunggu I datang sana lagi 3 hari......kesian Papa.

Memang I ada suami tapi I jugak masih ada bapa. Masih ada ibu. Meaning , masih ada tanggungjawab sebagai anak. Tuhan kasi akal to think. Memang syurga di bawah tapak kaki suami tapi Allah tak buta. Allah juga tak bodoh to just throw anyone in hell for helping their parents. True , kalau suami tak izin , berdosa......that's the rule given by God to all Muslim women as a guideline to follow but at the end of the day ada sayings "bukan kita yang tentu kan dosa pahala" , meaning everything is back to Allah. Why? Simply because hubby are humans and humans make mistakes so final say must come from Me. Allah Maha segalanya......we just have to do good deeds. Leave dosa pahala , syurga neraka to Him. Beautiful Islam.

Well peeps , I only told you parts of what's going on in my life , only God knows what I have to put up with everyday and I'm exhausted. And God also knows what I have to go through everyday that keeps me alive. Apapun Syukur pada Allah. The good comes from Him & the bad comes from Him too. Sebab keduanya datang dari Dia.....Both must be GOOD for me *wink*. I love you A....Allah *wink*. I know that my decision to work again & have a business is right. It felt right but it is taking its toll at the same time. So be it. I do not wanna grow old not having anything for myself & not having anything to leave behind for Yna & Adriel. I wanna move on.


Dinner was great , just us. Rock from Adriel....hahaha!


As always......my kids , my strength. My life.


Year of the Rabbit.......hmmmm.......rabbit's a pet animal. Lucky coz walaupun dikurung , rabbits selalunya dijaga baik. Ahhhhhh......macam pernah dengar je. Hahaha! But I'm a rat! A rat in a rabbit's world. We shall see......hehehe! Peace for Adriel!


Driving at nite around the Golden Triangle.......


A note for me : Waiting for the Year of Dragon........mysterious animal....fantasy , mystical but powerful *wink*

3 comments:

  1. Adriel buat Rock! hahahha cool nye!!

    xpe Rima, insya Allah sume wishes u tu dimakbulkan Allah.. aminnnnn

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  2. babe... truly understand how u feel bcos me too feel really exhausted with my partner... ada masa baran tak tentu psl... have to always make sure he's happy and try very much avoiding bende2 yg dia tak suka or else loud speaker sure berbunyi :(

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  3. kak rima, i follow blog akak dari BBB 3 lg ..n i love it ;) insyallah moga2 ape yg akak inginkan di makbul Allah SWT. i'll pray for u sis .. aminnnn ;)

    ReplyDelete